YOU DO YOU IMMA DO ME (uncensored)

Something keeps coming up that really bothers me.

People my age, "twenty-somethings" or "milennials" as they are fondly called, really LOVE the idea of """""dream jobs""""" and """""doing what you love.""""""  They say things like:

"I was in Grand Central Station around 9AM ( SIDEBAR, oh so YOU were the raggamuffin standing in everyone's way during rush hour. Two things: MOVE and YOU SUCK.) and I looked around at all the people in suits with their briefcases rushing around looking so unhappy and I was like THAT'S NEVER GONNA BE ME."

or 

"I was offered a $45,000 salary for an entry-level position and I turned it down because THE MAN DOESN'T OWN ME."

These people talk about happiness and dream jobs and how they never want to work in a job that they don't like and how the man doesn't own them blah blah blah.  Well guess what, smartypants.  The man does own you.  Because you bought into the lie (courtesy of THE MAN) that your job will determine your happiness and that you are DEFINED by your job.

This whole topic really gets me flustered because I am an awesome, talented, hilarious person and I work at a desk job for a bank doing things that will probably be outsourced to robots in 100 years.  YEAH I GAVE IN TO THE F--ING MAN.  They made me an offer I couldn't refuse, it was the only job prospect I had, and I had been feeling completely useless sitting at home all day for a month.  I live in MANHATTAN, I can't just wander around pondering shit and expect to pay my rent every month.  So I took it.  And some days I whine about it because everyone around me is like "dream job dream job dream job money doesn't matter dream job follow your passion miley cyrus money isn't happiness."  I wonder if I am wasting my time and talent by working this job and I think about all the other millions of jobs that would be more "fulfilling."  But guess what? I'm happy.  I love the people I work with and I feel really lucky to be able to help provide for myself and my husband.  I don't buy into the idea that the people I work with who have been with the bank for 30+ years have led unfulfilling, disappointing lives because they work a "stuffy" corporate job.  They are wonderful, talented, happy people.  They are parents, grandparents, friends, and coaches.

EARTH TO EVERYONE: The world WORKS because people work jobs they don't like. Got the late night munchies? Sorry, McDonald's is empty because NOBODY is passionate about being underpaid to shake the salt on fries.  You want to go downtown? Sorry, the trains aren't running because NOBODY is passionate about middle-of-the-night shifts doing repairs/construction in the million degree grime that is the subway.  You need to open a bank account? S-O-L because NOBODY WANTS to open your bank account.  Unfortunately everyone is busy pursuing their passion and the whole world has gone to hell in a handbaket and NOTHING IS WORKING.

I'm really glad there are people who are willing to have little to no stability for the sake of pursuing their passions, otherwise we wouldn't have a lot of the amazing literature, art, music, theatre, innovations, etc. we have.  I don't want to downplay the contribution of dreamers to society because they are a totally essential and awesome portion.  But they are a small portion.  Look around you.  LOOK OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF and really think about what you imply when you say that a life working a lousy job is not a life worth living.  There's people all over the world working horrible jobs, and you're trying to tell me that their life is worthless?  That they could possibly find fulfillment in life because they aren't working at an awesome job?  That sucks.  That really sucks.

I hope someday that I will be able to find a job I'm a little more comfortable in.  One that's a little more me and a little less finance because WUT?  And, full disclosure, I do think it would suck to work a job you hate every day for your whole life until you retire.  That would actually suck.  But most of the people I know don't hate their LIVES just because they hate their JOBS.  So cut the enlightened moral high ground crap. Stop making people out to be depressed corporate drones who can't think for themselves, and stop making yourself out to be some holier-than-thou open-minded free spirit.  Like, keep following your dreams and everything but don't be such an asshat about it, ok?

*See also: #whitegirlproblems and #firstworldproblems and #SLOPPYFREAKSHOWBABIES

**See also also: #wordvomit and #howtotalklikeababyboomer

How to Doubt

I've been feeling really stressed out lately about EVERYTHING. Graduation, my wedding, moving to New York City, feminism, gay marriage, etc. I have been asking a lot of questions about what I believe and how I can know God's will for me. 

Last night before I went to bed I read a talk from the last General Conference by the Relief Society President, Linda K. Burton. I've found that reading about Jesus Christ to reconcile these issues brings me more peace than anything else. I really loved her talk as she focused on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and asks the critical question of whether or not it is written in our hearts. One of my favorite parts of her talk was a quote from  Elder Dallin H. Oaks that says:

 “Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquility.”

I thought about that as I was falling asleep and what it means in my life. It seems to me that the fact that I am thinking about so many things that I have never thought about and doubting a few things which I have never doubted in my entire life right before I am going to go through the temple and get married (two of the most important ordinances in the Church) sucks. It's not ideal, you know? Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why couldn't this have happened like a year or two ago? Then I could have at least talked to Abby about it. And maybe I could have resolved everything by now."

This time has been both intensely spiritual and extremely confusing. But when I read this quote I realized a few things. 

1) I NEED to be converted again. I have been converted before, but I believe conversion is a lifelong process that should happen continually throughout our lives. A change of heart is not a one time thing. I think if it was, there wouldn't be that whole "endure to the end" bit. Alma said, "...If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?" (Alma 5:26)

2) My needed conversion is NOT going to be comfortable. It's not going to come through attending a testimony meeting in my singles ward. It's not going to come through watching a single Mormon Messages video. It's not going to come by just relying on my testimony from years past. Despite this I know that it will come. It will come through communion with God, and a deep commitment to Him and to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Asking him sincere questions and having the faith to receive an answer. Having the faith to accept God's will for me and my family. Like Elder Oaks said it will likely be through suffering and adversity, but I have decided that if that is God's plan for me and if it's going to make me a stronger, more faithful person then so be it.

A few weeks ago I read a talk from Terryl Givens, a Mormon scholar and professor of literature and religion at University of Richmond who also wrote the book The God Who Weeps. The talk is called "Letter to a Doubter" and it was give at a fireside to a single adult stake in Palo Alto, CA. Read it. Seriously. He writes so beautifully. Here are a few quotes from it that I love, most of them are not his words but are cited in the talk.

"Finally, find solace in what I have called the fellowship of the desolate. With Mother Teresa, who said, 'I am told God lives in me and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.' … 'Heaven from every side is closed.'"

“I will tell you that I am a child of this century, a child of disbelief and doubt. I am that today and will remain so until the grave. How much terrible torture this thirst for faith has cost me and costs me even now, which is all the stronger in my soul the more arguments I can find against it. And yet, God sends me sometimes instants when I am completely calm; at those instants I love and feel loved by others, and it is at those instances that I have shaped for myself a Credo where everything is clear and sacred for me. This Credo is very simple, here it is: to believe that nothing is more beautiful, profound, sympathetic, reasonable, manly and more powerful than Christ." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

“God allows spiritual peaks to subside into (often extensive) troughs in order for ‘servants to finally become Sons,’ ‘stand[ing] up on [their] own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish… growing into the sort of creature He wants [them] to be.’” 

-C.S. Lewis

BOOKS

 If there is one thing I love more than food it's books. What's your favorite book?

For Valentine's Day I bought CJ East of Eden because I knew he hadn't read it and it's one of my favorites. I can't wait to read it again because I feel like I missed a lot the first time. I decided that I'm going to give him a book every Valentine's Day (and maybe something else too if we have any money) and once we have kids I want to give them a book for Valentine's Day, too.

CJ and I have often talked about what we want our home to be like and how we want to raise our kids. One of the things that is most important to me is that my home is full of good books. I have always loved reading and one of my favorite things to do as a kid and now is to lose myself in a book for a couple of days...The fact that I know my mother loves to read has had a huge impact on me. I want my kids to know that I love to read, and that I love it because I love learning, discovering, exploring, and imagination.

In my communications class we have been talking about the "price we pay" for certain media. The price we pay, as a society, for television. The price society paid way way back in the day for literacy. The price we pay for a society that is bombarding us with images. Anyway, one of the chapters in my textbook is completely devoted to two top communications scholars going at it in intellectual discussion: TV vs print, and the price we pay for both. One of these scholars is Neil Postman (he's the pro-book one) and I've LOVED reading his scholarship. He is a cultural critic and he does not mince words when it comes to the price we pay for all the images and media we indulge ourselves in on a daily basis. (Like blogs, for example. I'm a hypocrite.)

Anyway, Postman has reaffirmed my commitment to make sure that reading takes over my home instead of mindless media and new technology. He is a genius. If you are familiar with 1984 and Brave New World (Dad), you should definitely read and think about this quote. Even if you don't know those books you should still read it. I know I am probably shooting this blog post in the foot by including such an enormous quote but...I'm okay with that.

Is Postman right? Has our society been reduced to passivity and egoism? Do we adore the technologies that undo our capacities to think?

“We were keeping our eye on 1984. When the year came and the prophecy didn't, thoughtful Americans sang softly in praise of themselves. The roots of liberal democracy had held. Wherever else the terror had happened, we, at least, had not been visited by Orwellian nightmares.

But we had forgotten that alongside Orwell's dark vision, there was another - slightly older, slightly less well known, equally chilling: Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Contrary to common belief even among the educated, Huxley and Orwell did not prophesy the same thing. Orwell warns that we will be overcome by an externally imposed oppression. But in Huxley's vision, no Big Brother is required to deprive people of their autonomy, maturity and history. As he saw it, people will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think.

What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited, the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny "failed to take into account man's almost infinite appetite for distractions". In 1984, Huxley added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.

This book is about the possibility that Huxley, not Orwell, was right.”

-Neil Postman, taken from his book, Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business

P.S. Here's an awkward picture of me and CJ and books. BIBLE.

LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD

As you all know, I am approaching college graduation. I am ecstatic! My experience has been better than I could have imagined and I have grown so much, intellectually and otherwise.

HOWEVER. I've started looking for a job and I'm finding it fairly difficult. My degree is in American Studies and my minor is Spanish, and I don't really want to know what I would like to do as a career. Obviously with a major like mine that does not lead to a specific career path, I have a lot of options open to me. When I was choosing a major my freshman year, I didn't really think I wanted to have a career at all, a job maybe...but I pretty much planned on going on a mission, coming back and finishing school and getting married to a wealthy man and having babies. And then I realized that having a career might actually be fun and cool and fulfilling, and I also became a feminist so. Now I do want to have some sort of career.* And this is where we get to the part that, frankly, is starting to get really old.

I REALIZE that my job search would be much easier if I majored in a different field like math or science. I REALIZE that by choosing a Humanities degree I put myself at a disadvantage in a world where business, science, and technological career opportunities are abounding. Don't worry, I have kicked myself plenty of times and thought, "Damn, I should have done Accounting! I could have a job in two seconds!" So I really don't need anyone else to tell me how foolish my decision was. The jokes about how Taco Bell is hiring American Studies majors are not funny anymore. I can joke about it if I want to, and if I feel discouraged and regretful about my major choice, that's my prerogative. But it's really not anyone's place to make me feel like my degree isn't worth anything.

I would be a lousy accountant. And probably super crabby because I don't like math and I'm not good at it. Sure, I could have gone into Computer Science, but I probably wouldn't have cried TEARS OF JOY in class as many times as I have, or felt like I wanted to shout what I had just learned about humanity and culture and feminism and love from the mountaintops. For some people, Computer Science does it for them. Not me, sir.

THE THING IS I AM A DAMN GOOD AMERICAN STUDIES MAJOR. I know it, I live it, I love it. You know why I hardly ever skip class? Because I LOVE CLASS. I enjoy coming to school and I enjoy writing my papers and I love working with my professors. The things I have learned about myself, the world, and America have forever changed the way I think about everything. LITERALLY EVERYTHING. My education is something really important to me that I will treasure forever. Also, I'mma take it with me to the next life where they probably don't have taxes and probably do have art and literature and people and music and language.

The other thing is that I am good at pretty much everything required to be a valuable employee. Working with a team, being nice, hard-working, dependable, good communication, writing skills, not stupid, innovative and creative, leadership, bossiness, getting shiz done, etc. So hire me. Teach me how to do that technical thing that I don't know how to do, and I'm your gal. Employee of the year!

My point is, shout out and a big hug and kiss to all the people who have always supported me in my decision to study America (which is mostly everyone), and a big middle finger to all the haterz out there on their high horse telling me to give McDonald's another shot.** DON'T NEED U.

Haven't written a post like this in a while. Feels good. I would like to close my talk with a quote from Beyoncé, Queen of America.

*Not trying to say that you can't be a feminist if you don't have/want a career.
**I have interviewed at McDonald's twice (in desperation during my teenage years) and been turned down both times.

Shish gets real

Last night CJ and I were talking about moving to New York, and I said something about how poor we are going to be or whatever. And he said, "Well I guess we can just move to Richland instead!" and I said "YAY YAY YAY!" and then I started SOBBING because I knew he was kidding. SOBBING. Because that was the first time that I realized that I am going to be moving really really really far away from MY MOM (and dad), my siblings, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends...EV ER Y ONE. And I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

I thought about how I would feel if one of my grandparents dies while I am living so far away.

How I would miss playing with all my little cousins, or seeing new ones right after they are born.

No more summers lounging and drinking black pop at Indian Springs, watching my mom do her annual back flip off the diving board.

I won't be able to walk down to Gran's to borrow a book, or go to my Nana's on a Sunday morning to eat homemade biscuits before church.

I'll miss my house being filled with 25 kinds of pies and 2,500 people on Thanksgiving day.

This list could go on and on but I will just start crying at work and the people around here don't need another reason to think me mad.

A quick thought

This morning I was reading Elder Craig C. Christensen's talk from the last General Conference when I stumbled upon this quote:

The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead, and, as such, like God the Father and Jesus Christ, He knows our thoughts and the intents of our hearts. The Holy Ghost loves us and wants us to be happy. Since He knows the challenges we will face, He can guide us and teach us all things we must do to return and live with our Heavenly Father once again.

For some reason I had never thought of the Holy Ghost as someone who loves us and knows us just like Heavenly Father and Jesus, although it makes perfect sense. Amazing! I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost and the blessing it has been in my life.

Have a wonderful day! 

50 things about me at age 21

 Got this idea from my dear friend Jaimie.

1. "i no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. but i was beginning to believe that very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together."

2. I actually love California after spending a lifetime thinking it was world's worst.

3. I eat out all. the. time.

4. Cracked an egg in my Ramen for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it changed my life.

5. CJ and I have been reading the Book of Mormon together and it is always one of the best parts of my day.

6. God has been more gracious to me than I could have ever imagined.

7. I am losing steam in school. I don't like it.

8. I'm not as excited for Christmas as I usually am.

9. Diet Coke, I just can't quit you.

10. I tried Weight Watchers for about 2 months but it just wasn't very fun. SEE YA.

11. I am convinced that Heavenly Father has sent this beautiful weather just for me because He knows my life is hard right now and He knows the sun makes me happy.

12. Politics=suck. I would like to thank the USA for making me world's most optimistic cynic.

13. My best friend is leaving on her mission and I don't know what I will do.

14. I don't care much about what most people think of me.

15. The people whose opinions of me mean the most are my parents, CJ, and McKay.

16. I am sick of people asking me if I am going on a mission. Have you met my boyfriend? Hello.

17. I don't have a smart phone. Well, I did for one day and then I took it back.

18. I LOVE Twitter.

19. I cry a lot. Out of sadness, happiness, gratitude, and sometimes for no reason.

20. My favorite part of music is when a song has clapping in it.

21. I have mostly stopped biting/peeling my nails.

22. I don't love my tiny fat hands but I like them more when my nails are long and painted.

23. I hate taking showers. 

24. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

25. I am obsessed with X Factor. It's stupid.

26. One of my favorite things to do is replace song lyrics while singing along to the radio.

27. My body wakes itself up every morning before my alarm.

28. I have a Costco card thanks to my Mom.

29. I would do anything to live closer to my family.

30. I wish I had unlimited funds for Christmas gifts. Buying things for the people I love is my favorite.

31. Pinterest is boring.

32. I love shrimp and it doesn't make me sick anymore.

33. I think I was Brazilian in a past life.

34. I love writing in my journal.

35. CJ's iPhone is the best.

36. Some of my favorite music ever has come out in the past year.

37. I don't know what to do about my hair. It's a situation.

38. I want a baby but I mostly just want someone to hang out with 24/7 because I hate being alone.

39. King Henry apartment 62 will always hold a special place in my heart. It made a woman out of me.

40. Terrified of all things involving sex and childbirth and bodies.

41. My boyfriend is one of the best people I have ever known and one of my favorites.

42. If I had my way I would have a huge garden and I would cook and dance around my kitchen all day.

43. Pretty sure I haven't been grocery shopping in at least two weeks.

44. I still hate Halloween.

45. I will be really sad when I have to move away from my best friends. Maybe the only thing I will miss about Provo.

46. I love doing yoga.

47. My family is the number one force for good in my life.

48. I am sick of working at Independent Study.

49. Going to Spain was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I made wonderful true friends and found the love of my life.

50. I think that I don't really like concerts.

The to-do list that will never be finished

I was thinking today about things I think about doing but never actually do. Things that I want/need to do and that I (probably) could do but just don't. Why?

Things I think about doing but never do:
Quitting sugar.
Quitting diet coke.
Going visiting teaching.
Chopping off my hair.
Dying my hair.
Writing that one thank you note that I forgot to write forever ago.
Visiting my old friends at Zupas.
Reading Life of Pi.
Attending certain on-campus events.
Meeting with my academic advisor.
Catching up with my old roommates.
Calling my grandma.
Wearing jeans to work.
Getting my camera fixed.
Buying a cover for my nook.
Changing my profile picture on twitter.
Talking to that cute boy in my class/ward/twitter feed.
Changing my headlight that has been out for two weeks.
Visiting my cousins.
Taking a nap.
Planning my trip to Paris/buying tickets.
Shopping online.
Buying red lipstick.
Going to the doctor.
Showing up unexpectedly at so-and-so's door.
Looking into that half marathon in September.
Packing up some of my stuff.
SKIPPING CLASS.

It seems that most of them boil down to fear.

One year ago...

About a year ago I wrote this post.

Think about where you were a year ago.

Did you think you would be where you are now?

Think about where you will be one year from now.

Turns out my predictions from last year were pretty close. My friends are starting to come home from their missions, and my girl friends have left/are leaving really soon...WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I'm actually getting ready to go to Spain for the spring, not Washington DC and I COULD NOT be happier about that. Yes...I am single...I know myself ALL TOO WELL. The running thing...hahahaha. I tried to run yesterday and I think I made it maybe one mile? It was so pathetic! Time to get my butt back in gear. I have a job that I love A LOT and it has nothing to do with nannying. My fashion sense has, in fact, increased significantly. Mostly because I have to wear business casual to work. I never started that club I had thought about starting. Finishing up Junior year is about to get really crazy. And I am actually NOT planning Abby's summer wedding. Heh heh.

This time last year I had about a month left in Russia. One of the greatest experiences of my life. This was probably around the same time that we got Tangled on DVD and watched it multiple times per day.

I have been on more dates since the beginning of this calendar year than my total number of dates since I got to college. YAY, ME. This was unforseeable.

I HAD NEVER BEEN TO SAMMY'S. Like, what?

Okay, and can we just talk about one thing for a second? Last year on Justin Bieber's birthday I spent like an hour making him a birthday sign. This year I could not have cared less. The other day I took down my JB poster and threw it away. Also, my JB calendar. And his new song is not good. SEE YA.

NEXT YEAR.

Almost graduated.

Having a blast w/ McClickey? (PLEASE.)

Getting ready to go on a mission.

Brown hair. (This is a joke.)

More sophisticated and wordly-wise..so I can at least stand a chance in this world.

Not even going to mention the fact that I won't have a boyfriend because I think we all know the two main facts about love: 1) It doesn't exist. 2) It especially doesn't exist at BYU.

Shopping with Abby for her wedding dress.

Cheers.

Concrete Jungle

Lately I have been really really itching to visit New York City. As much as I would love to live in Farmville for the rest of my life (see: Utah Valley, Richland) I have to admit that I am almost certain I am a city girl! (Or at least a 30-minutes-away-from-the-city girl.)

I used to think that New York was overrated and Chicago was the crowning glory of all cities (true) and that I didn't care about visiting New York because I would rather visit Chicago.

HOWEVER.

I went to New York City with my choir when I was a senior in high school and even though I'm pretty sure I was cranky half the time, I think that I have love for Manhattan still lingering in my heart. And I saw In The Heights on Broadway and I just want to see like 5 million more shows.

Second of all, if you have ever seen the show Best Thing I Ever Ate, you know that probably half of the foods they feature are from restaurants in New York City. And let's be honest, I am a FOOD GIRL and I want to try them all.

I love Provo and everything and I hope that I don't offend anyone by saying this but I am just really over white people. Like, where's the diversity at? Please?

I just want to walk down really really crowded noisy streets and eat really good food and romp around all the different boroughs. And I think a lot of it probably has to do, once again, with my Latino Lit class and the poetry we have been reading because it's all about Spanish Harlem.

But instead I think I will go to Madrid. At the end of April. And live there. Until June. AHHHH!

Trust

"To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what he is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all." -Elder Richard G. Scott

Read the entire talk here. One of my favorites ever.

Scurred

Up until this point in my life, or at least a point in my very new future, my life has been more or less planned out. You know, be born, smash your cake on your 1st birthday, be a crazy toddler for a bit, go to school (beginning of the end), kiss a boy at recess, go to middle school and just be really weird, go to high school and care way too much about everything, get your drivers' license, get in an accident, become a senior and stop caring about everything except prom and college apps, go to college, realize what you've done, change your major five times, leave the country for a bit, keep going to college, graduate from college...

And. Then I don't know.

I. Don't. Know.

I DON'T KNOW!

Some like the prospect of being able to do anything they want/set their mind to, adventure is out there and blah blah blah, but right now that doesn't excite me. It terrifies me.

And I just want to crawl into my bed and forget about school and decision-making and careers and marriage and children and dogs and the world. Which is essentially what I've done...except for everything listed after school.

Congratulations, forces trying to bring me down. You win!

Hi.

I am really really really really really really happy. That's all. Sorry to bother you.

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

So it's 1AM, I still have reading to do for tomorrow, and tears have been in my eyes but not coming out for about an hour and a half now. I am just IN THE DUMPS. And the worst part is, it's getting really late and my homework isn't done...it's like Freshman year all over again minus the carefreeness. But anyway, I was looking at my old facebook notes, a very underutilized feature of facebook, and I found this article that I love. Here you go. It's a good one. Made me feel a little less bleh.

Taken from a column in the Chicago Tribune, June 1, 1997.

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

A bone to pick

I really like pinterest. I think it is an awesome place to share ideas, quotes, and photos. I have tried a few recipes from pinterest, and they have been hit and miss. I made boot socks based on an idea from pinterest and I really love them. I don't typically spend a ton of time on it for whatever reason...I guess there are other social networks that appeal to me more.

That being said, I am becoming more and more deterred because of some of the "pins" that are becoming increasingly popular on the site. Obviously, this is not pinterest's fault. Pinterest presents a forum where people can pin as the please, and the things that get repinned over and over again are not a reflection of the institution of pinterest; rather, they are a reflection of the pinners and, I would argue, society.

I absolutely have NO tolerance for ridiculous pins that are outrageously didactic in warping perceptions of body image and physical fitness. Pictures of ridiculously skinny girls, or super ripped girls with 500 pack abs, in sports bras and underwear, or even less clothing than that, with words in the foreground that say things like:

"Looking at this picture won't make you any skinnier. 50 push-ups. Now."
You should know that the girl in this picture was a supermodel. Absolutely RAIL thin, with her ribs on full display. That is not what I want to look like, that is not what women should aspire to look like, and that is not healthy. I guarantee the girl in the picture cannot do 50 push-ups because her body is so deprived!

"A mile a day keeps the pounds away."
Seriously? Once again, a rail thin girl with a belly ring (ew) and her hipbones jutting out. As if running a mile will make you look like that. It probably won't. Some people would have to stop eating altogether and exercise for hours on end every day to look like that. AND some people can eat whatever they want all the time and not exercise and still be skinny. It's called genetics and metabolism, people.

"Would you rather have that cookie or a space between your thighs?"
I was born with my thighs touching and I will die with my thighs touching. Regardless of any diet or exercise regimen. That's the gospel truth, ya'll. And I'm going to eat the cookie.

"Motivation!"
This picture of a female body builder in a string bikini is only motivating me to punch the computer screen and scream.

"Greasy fries or skinny thighs?"
Like I said before, even if I swore off fries for the rest of my mortal life, I would not have skinny thighs. I don't have skinny thighs. I don't want skinny thighs. Since when have skinny thighs become synonymous with great/beautiful thighs? That's what I want to know. That is stupid. I would just like to refer you to Beyonce Knowles, the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I think one of the biggest problems we're facing here is that this is having a huge effect on young girls. They want to be skinnier. My friend Amanda told me that one day she saw her younger sister, who is ten, running around the yard. She asked her why she was running, and her little sister replied, "I ate a piece of cake." A perfectly healthy young girl ate one piece of cake and felt that she needed to run around her yard so she wouldn't get fat. When I was in Russia, I was at the park across the street from our house and I heard a little girl who was not fat by any means say to her friend that she wishes that she wasn't so fat. And she started going on and on about how fat she was and how she can pinch the fat on her belly. I wanted to walk over to her and shake her by the shoulders and say "You are pretty and you do not need to be skinnier!" Super upsetting, and it's only getting worse.

I will admit that I'm not the healthiest person ever. I could be doing better at a lot of things and there are some great ideas on pinterest about eating healthy and exercising often. Please don't get me wrong, I am all for fitness and being healthy. But when I was training for a half marathon, I will tell you that the greatest changes in my life were in my moods and my attitude, not in my weight or figure. When I was running, it made me so happy and energized. I felt great about myself, not because my thighs weren't touching and all that crap (they were still touching), but because I could do hard things and my body was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible. Yes, I was in better shape. My belly was smaller, my arms looked better, et cetera. But did I look like any of the girls in those pictures? Heavens, no. I actually felt a little ripped off. I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting super skinny, even after running 6-12 miles four times a week, because my whole life I have been led to believe that if you run enough, you'll look like a supermodel. For me, that turned out to not be true. Society and popular culture set up me up with certain expectations, and even through very very hard work, those expectations were not met. Fortunately I didn't become bulimic or anything like that, but that happens to a lot of people: when their expectations aren't met after taking action in a healthy way, they resort to more extreme measures. So instead of trying to tell people how they can look like someone else, why don't we promote self-confidence? Instead of trying to "fix" people with crazy diets and pills and what have you, why don't we encourage people to be their best selves and love it, regardless of how they measure up to others?

The point is, I think as a society we must start being more concerned with the space between a woman's ears than the space between her thighs. And I will now proceed to stuff myself with delicious free dinner and dessert at my ward Christmas party. Put that beat in your Nissan truck.

All I want for Christmas is for Halloween to be over.

It's Halloween and all I can think about is how I am going to decorate the apartment for Christmas...tonight at midnight...wait, I know what you're thinking. It's one of two things.
Either:
-"OMG, me too!"
or
-"HOW COULD YOU HOW DARE YOU DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS BEFORE THANKSGIVING/DECEMBER 1ST/DECEMBER 25TH/(insert other ridiculous date here) YOU ARE RUINING CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!"

I am not being dramatic, either. In the past few weeks I have found that this issue of decorating for Christmas and/or listening to Christmas music is VERY polarizing. In fact, one of my roommates threatened to move out if we decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving, which we absolutely doing, so we'll see if she follows through with that. If you follow me and twitter (@cmacmitch) or if you have the privilege of talking to me on a regular basis, you know I am not the most gung-ho person about Halloween. I like dressing up, I love candy, and I love Hilary Norton, but for the most part I am unenthused. I hate scary movies, haunted houses/mazes/mental hospitals/boats/car washes, teenagers on Halloween, and I especially hate Halloween movies and songs. Creepy and tacky.

Maybe one day when I can make costumes for my children and dress them up hilariously, I will like Halloween a little more. But I have a funny feeling that that will just stress me out and make me feel annoyed. On the bright side, LOOK AT THESE BABIES.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I love how 10/01/11 looks.

So to be perfectly honest (I usually am. Much to your chagrin, I'm sure.) General Conference could not have come at a better time.

I am going crazy! School is starting to get out of control, my emotions are out of control as per usual, my dating life has YET to get off the ground (don't worry it's only been 4 years since I got dating rights), and I either have no appetite or eat compulsively. I live in a world of extremes, people. And I love my job but sometimes I have to be the bearer of bad news (You failed your final exam three times...so you need to pay for the class again if you want credit.) and that part really is terrible.

OH AND IIIIII'M SORRY BUT PUMPED UP KICKS IS ABOUT A KID BRINGING A GUN TO SCHOOL. LET'S ALL ROMP AROUND AND SING THIS SONG YEAH TOP DOWN SUMMER JAMZ! No. Just, no. I'm mad.

But anyway. It seems like every day for the past week I have just been going about my normal day and then I have a mini emotional/ethical/identity crisis and I just feel so overwhelmed and terrrrrrible.

Fortunately for me (and you and the entire world), General Conference is the best. It makes me feel okay even if it's only for two hours at a time. And I want to quote President Uchtdorf's talk from this morning but it's not up yet. But I loved this quote from his talk at the General Relief Society meeting.

"...If we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.

This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life.

The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Hopefully I will wake up on Monday with the resolve to stop freaking out and start seeing the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around me ALL the time. (I have the resolve now but that's because it's the weekend and it's not real life.) And also hopefully I will actually do it. As a side note, I totally predicted the temple in Wyoming. In case you were wondering.

Stress dream from hell

I had a really terrifying and stressful dream last night that I was about to get married...literally ABOUT TO and I went into a room with my fiance and I stood across a table from him and I said, "Look...we can't get married. We'd be divorced in 5...maybe ten years? I'm really not very nice to you at all. I'm calling it off." And he said, "Okay."

WOW. And that was towards the end. Up to that point, the entirety of the dream was me stressing out about calling off the wedding. But his parents drove all the way here and his family scrounged up spare change to fly from across the country! I would be letting everyone down!

WORST. DREAM. EVER.

A while ago I had a series of about 5 dreams where I would get a tattoo and then spend the rest of the dream trying to scrub/scratch/wash it off to no avail. Those dreams were so terrible. I hadn't planned on getting a tattoo but now I know that I MOST DEFINITELY WILL NOT EVER.

So I am hoping that this is not the beginning of a long series of dreams like this one. But to be perfectly honest, that dream made me seriously stop and think about marriage. Sure, it's really fun to look at engagement rings and wedding blogs and fantasize about your wedding but after the wedding you have to be married. To that person. Forever. And forever and for eternity. And in case you haven't noticed, THAT'S A BIG FAT DEAL. (Do you really want your kids to look like that?) (Just kidding. That was a bad joke.)

But I don't need to worry about any of this. Not for 5 years. I gots planz, homie.

What can I get here that has no sugar, no carbs, and is fat free?

Tonight, my job at work was LOBBY.

Which basically means I bus all the tables and wipe them off and sweep the floor. Straight up Cinderella Story H-Duff in the hizzhouse.

So you know how when you go to McDonald's or wherever, the have the garbage cans inside these like things with the swinging door that says TRASH or THANK YOU or something like that? Okay. Same concept. My garbage can is inside this metal cupboard thing but instead of the swinging door, there is just a small hole on the top for me to dump people's garbage in and put their dishes in the dish bin. BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BUS YOUR OWN TABLE. I WILL BUS YOUR TABLE.

The point of this story is that the garbage got full so I took it in the back to empty it into a bigger garbage can and I come back out two seconds later and this woman is DUMPING the contents of her trays PLURAL into the hole in the top of the metal cupboard that the garbage can goes in. THERE IS NO GARBAGE CAN IN THE CUPBOARD. So after she walked away, I crawled inside the cupboard and cleaned up all of her crap that she basically dumped on the floor. DAMMIT, IIIIII WILL BUS YOUR TABLE DO NOT TRY TO HELP ME DO NOT MOVE YOUR TRAY JUST LEAVE ALL YOUR CRAP ON YOUR FREEEEAKING TABLE AND IIIIII WILL CLEAN IT UP.

The bright side is that I made $7 in tips tonight.

And I went on a date this week and it was fun.

And on the way home from work tonight I got this sundae that I get from Sonic which is a hot fudge sundae without ice cream. So basically hot fudge, whip cream, and oreos. And a cherry which is always disgusting.

And I miss Britton.

The End.

And PS

I want to scream at people when they tell me I can't do something/shouldn't try.

And PPS this song has been EXTREMELY heart-wrenching lately. Don't know why.

Baby, baby, baby OHHHHH

There is a certain amount of risk involved with making your children's names public knowledge...

so I'm not going to. Even though basically everyone who has been my friend/roommate knows them. And I don't think anyone would steal them, but you never knooooooowwwwww! They are weird and as Abby says "ridiculously contrived."

PS Although I like a lot of the names on that postcard, I only see one that is on my list and that's CLAIRE. There. I gave one away.

PPS I'm not pregnant...if you thought that's what this meant, then I'm sorry.