new york state of mind

unfortunately i am having a really hard time focusing on school. unfortunate because right now is what some people like to call "crunch time" or "running through the finish line" but i just like to call it "procrastination station" or "my personal hell."

i really do love school, but not the part where i have a billion assignments in each of my classes all at the same time. the real problem here is the fact that frankly, i have other things on my mind.

i'm graduating in like 20 days, going through the temple the day after that, and then getting married and moving to new york. (and by moving to new york i mean leaving every person i have ever loved except the one i love the most to go to a wackadoo place where i imagine spending my days being yelled at by strangers. "get outta my way!!!!" they will say.) how does anyone expect me to think about school??? and yet, here we are. i had a bad day and life ain't about to cut me any slack.

i know i made fun of a girl the other day for babbling on and on about how her class getting cancelled was a "tender mercy" but my wedding shoes coming in the mail today was actually a tender mercy and i don't care who makes fun of me for saying it.

now time to write my paper(s) and start throwing away all my useless belongings.

p.s. tried the no-caps thing and i actually hate it and it makes me cringe so, not going to do that again. ok.

Shish gets real

Last night CJ and I were talking about moving to New York, and I said something about how poor we are going to be or whatever. And he said, "Well I guess we can just move to Richland instead!" and I said "YAY YAY YAY!" and then I started SOBBING because I knew he was kidding. SOBBING. Because that was the first time that I realized that I am going to be moving really really really far away from MY MOM (and dad), my siblings, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends...EV ER Y ONE. And I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

I thought about how I would feel if one of my grandparents dies while I am living so far away.

How I would miss playing with all my little cousins, or seeing new ones right after they are born.

No more summers lounging and drinking black pop at Indian Springs, watching my mom do her annual back flip off the diving board.

I won't be able to walk down to Gran's to borrow a book, or go to my Nana's on a Sunday morning to eat homemade biscuits before church.

I'll miss my house being filled with 25 kinds of pies and 2,500 people on Thanksgiving day.

This list could go on and on but I will just start crying at work and the people around here don't need another reason to think me mad.

Queen of New York

CJ took an all-expenses-paid trip to New York this week (HOLLA) to like have interviews and network so he can get an internship and job once we graduate! We don't know where we'll end up yet, but New York is definitely a possibility. And even just the smallest chance has got me going craaaayyyy thinking about how exciting it would be to live there! HELLO.

Just kidding. Kind of. But I really am so proud of CJ and happy that he is such a motivated and adventurous guy...life will be so fun with him.

COMPROMETIDOS

Here's the scoop, y'all.

We actually set our wedding date about a month ago because my mom wanted to make sure we could get the venue and photographer we wanted for the reception, etc. etc. I dragged my feet but with a little loving pressure from mama I picked the date. So to me, I was already engaged. It was just the logistical matter of getting the ring and making it official.

My mom offered me her first wedding ring since she got a new one a few Christmases ago and it was pretty much exactly what I had been looking for myself. It was so nice of her to let me have it and I feel really thankful...over the break we took it in to get resized and cleaned and tightened and everything so I brought it to Provo and gave it to CJ when we both got back from school on January 6th. You must know that pretty much every day after that I was expecting to get engaged. I would wake up and think "This is the day!" But it never was...haha. I was so glad he waited a bit longer to do it though because I was completely surprised! After about a week or so of my psycho-ness I started to relax about the whole thing and I wasn't thinking about it and anticipating it as much.

OKAY SO. I was not expecting to get engaged this past weekend AT ALL because CJ was really busy getting his portfolio ready and I thought he would be working on it all weekend. And just based on some other things he told me like "Don't look at my phone for the next few weeks" I thought it would be this week or this upcoming weekend. SILLY ME. So a few days before he proposed CJ told me that his sister Shannon (who we hang out with a lot) didn't have to work on Monday and was wondering if we wanted to do something fun with her and her husband. He told me he didn't know what we were going to do but to just keep my afternoon and evening free. I was really excited for a fun day with Brian and Shannon but I was honestly not suspecting a thing!

Then on Monday afternoon a little before we were supposed to leave, CJ texted me and told me that Shannon had been called into work so she and Brian wouldn't be able to come to Park City with us like we had planned. I was super bummed but he asked if I minded if we just went by ourselves...obviously I didn't mind. So we started heading up to Park City. I have only been a few times, and I thought maybe we were going the wrong way but I didn't know for sure and I didn't want to say anything. Then we got to this place that had some sign about "Sleigh Rides Horseback Riding blah blah blah" and at that point I started to get a little suspicious. CJ was like, "So I know I've been really busy this week so today I have a surprise for you." I basically knew what was going to happen but I also was feeling like maybe I didn't want to get my hopes up if it wasn't going to happen, etc. etc. internal conflict.

I was super bundled up but I decided not to wear a hat. Well, it was too cold to not wear a hat so I just grabbed an extra one that CJ brought in his car. Hence the hat that doesn't match my outfit...haha. Anyway, as soon as I saw the sleigh I pretty much knew that he would propose. I was SO excited I felt like I was in a fairytale. That sounds SO dumb but that really is the only way to describe what I was feeling. We had to sign some papers and I was paying attention to CJ's hand to see if it was shaking with he signed the waiver but it didn't so I guessed that he wasn't very nervous.

We got on the sleigh and our sleigh driver was named Skinner. Oh, Skinner was quite the character...he was talking to us pretty much the ENTIRE TIME! He started off with fun facts about the valley we were in, the hot springs near by, the natural crater, BLAH BLAH BLAH he really would not stop. I could tell CJ was a little put off by the chatter but he was a good sport! I snuck a word in when I could but then I made the mistake of asking Skinner about his life and he just went on and on. He's from Canada, was married for 3 days just to get US citizenship, joined the circus when he was 16, sews custom shirts, and plans to cross the country with 3 mules and a covered wagon visting every hot springs in the US. It will take him 3 and a half years...that's Skinner in a nutshell. Just a few tidbits from his 30 minute ramblings. (I really don't hate Skinner as much as I'm making it sound like I do.)

Back to the good stuff though. As we were coming back around to the beginning of the loop, Skinner stopped the sleigh and finally shut up. The sunset was so beautiful and so I told CJ he should take a picture. (I am such a dummy! He is about to propose and I'm like, hey CJ you should take a picture of the mountains LOLZ) He did, and then Skinner tried to take a picture of CJ and I but he doesn't know how to work an iphone. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time but I really wish he would have been successful at taking a picture! Oh well. So then CJ said the sweetest little speech...I might have cried but my smile was so big that my cheeks were shoving the tears back into my eyes. He got out of the sleigh, got down on one knee and asked me if I would make him the happiest person in the world and marry him.

I was absolutely giddy, and acting like it, too. I nodded. Then I said "Yeah." Then I realized how STUPID that was and then I said "YES. DOUBLE YES." and I realized the double yes thing was stupid pretty much as soon as I said it. I can't be held responsible for my actions though because I was practically not in this world.

Then CJ got back in the sleigh and we were hugging and kissing, Skinner decided to impart some wisdom to us which I did not really care to hear but it seemed kind of charming at the time. Or something like that. Then I whispered to CJ "I want pizza" because that is just the way I am, I suppose. So we get off the sleigh and I scream "I'M ENGAGED!!!" at the people waiting in line for a ride...thanked Skinner, talked to the other guy who was working inside, and then I went to the bathroom. I came out and CJ was like, Okay I found a pizza place in Park City we can go to so let's just head up there. I was like wow could my life get any better now I get to eat PIZZA.

So basically I thought that I picked the restaurant but CJ had another surprise up his sleeve. We got to the restaurant, Maxwell's, and I was like "CJ! Oh my gosh, I have had the pizza here before and it's so good!!" So at this point we were both feeling pretty great. We started walking to our table and we turned the corner and all of our closest friends were there. CJ made arrangements ahead of time for everyone to come to Maxwell's. I was SOOOO surprised!! I was not expecting it one single bit, especially because I thought that I had picked to go there!!! I felt a little silly because I had been texting all of them ever since we left the sleigh ride being like "I just got engaged!" and they were like "OMG NOOOO WAY" but they were actually sitting around together probably laughing at me! I was so happy and I felt so loved that everyone came up for me and CJ. It was perfect. And I got delicious pizza.

We ate dinner together and then some of us headed down to Park City Main Street to look for celebs and just enjoy the sights. We took some pictures too and it was so much fun. I saw Ben Savage (Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World) so that was my celebrity sighting for the night. So basically D-list celeb..haha.

I really do feel like the happiest, luckiest girl to be marrying CJ. We have had so much fun over the past year first as friends and then as lovers and I am so so so so so thankful to God for guiding me to make the decisions that led me to CJ. (seriously) (that's another story though). Thrilled to spend the rest of my life with him!

The guy taking the photo made me do this hand thing and I really didn't want to but I wasn't going to be like "NO."

(not all friends who came pictured here)

May 24th, Columbia River Temple. See you there!

Texas Forever

So after a lovely Christmas at home, a road trip with the fam to my cousin's wedding, and one of the best weekends of my life in Dallas, I am back in beautiful Utah not quite ready to start a new semester.

Any goal I set prior to ringing in 2012 has been pretty much a bust. Which is my fault for not writing them down or being serious about them or whatever. I think resolutions are kind of bogus anyways...sorry. I like to set goals on my own time line.

The thing I like most about New Year's is looking back on the year and thinking about all the things I did/didn't do and realizing that life pretty much never turns out the way you planned, for better or worse. (Usually it's better, you just might not realize it right away.) And even though I don't like resolutions I do like the excitement a new year brings. You're all like, "OMG WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN THIS YEAR?!?!?" and stuff.

But mostly I just want to write about Texas.

Highlights from the wedding of Kara Neaves and Skyler Thiot.

-Waking up at 3AM to curl my hair before my 6AM flight.
-Nicholas Sparks, The Lucky One.
-Texas.
-Texas weather at the end of December=perfectly sunny and in the 70's.
-Seeing Kara before she left the house to go get married!
-Bridesmaiding/Bridal Party.
-Seeing Kara and Skyler right after they were wed. So much love.
-Lots of Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Dr.Pepper.
-Running on 4 hours of sleep for a really busy day. I was out of control by the end of the night...just acting like a loon.
-Just the food in general. The entire time.
-If I'm being completely honest, being photographed was definitely one of my favorite parts.
-Meeting the families and friends of K&S. Such wonderful people.
-Reception. Everything about it. Location, decorations, dancing, food, CAKE, favors, flowers. Pure goodness.
-Using my bouquet as a microphone.
-How awesome Kara and Skyler are. They could very well have kept to themselves but they hung out with us during the weekend! They are so sweet.
-Dallas World Aquarium. Coolest aquarium ever.
-Being in such a diverse city FOR ONCE. (Provo, Richland, not so super much.)
-Dancing while sitting. In a car, while eating, any time really. AKA seat dancing.
-Hanging out with K&S at their hotel for a bit on New Year's Eve.
-Dallas quadruple quintuple double triple huge YSA dance. Didn't really know anyone there, didn't mind making a fool of myself and shamelessly giving boys the eyes.
-Then I was cursed by God for being so saucy and I ended up sick in the bathroom at the stroke of midnight. Missed the whole countdown confetti kit and caboodle. Hence, no New Year's kiss for me. For the billionth time. WOE IS ME.
-Blue Bell Ice Cream.

Making new friends, trying new things, a new year, and a beautiful pair of newlyweds.

Stress dream from hell

I had a really terrifying and stressful dream last night that I was about to get married...literally ABOUT TO and I went into a room with my fiance and I stood across a table from him and I said, "Look...we can't get married. We'd be divorced in 5...maybe ten years? I'm really not very nice to you at all. I'm calling it off." And he said, "Okay."

WOW. And that was towards the end. Up to that point, the entirety of the dream was me stressing out about calling off the wedding. But his parents drove all the way here and his family scrounged up spare change to fly from across the country! I would be letting everyone down!

WORST. DREAM. EVER.

A while ago I had a series of about 5 dreams where I would get a tattoo and then spend the rest of the dream trying to scrub/scratch/wash it off to no avail. Those dreams were so terrible. I hadn't planned on getting a tattoo but now I know that I MOST DEFINITELY WILL NOT EVER.

So I am hoping that this is not the beginning of a long series of dreams like this one. But to be perfectly honest, that dream made me seriously stop and think about marriage. Sure, it's really fun to look at engagement rings and wedding blogs and fantasize about your wedding but after the wedding you have to be married. To that person. Forever. And forever and for eternity. And in case you haven't noticed, THAT'S A BIG FAT DEAL. (Do you really want your kids to look like that?) (Just kidding. That was a bad joke.)

But I don't need to worry about any of this. Not for 5 years. I gots planz, homie.

What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her?

We lost the Rugby national championship. But don't worry, I got a rugby team boyfriend out of the whole ordeal!! (In other news, the lacrosse team went to the nat'l championship and won. Love those boys.)

Farmer in the dell.

My favorite store. Obviously. I can haz great hair?

Me and Pookie. She snatched the bouquet right out of my hands. I wear SPF 50.

She really liked rubbing her victory in my face.

So these pictures represent the three times I've been social in the past...month. Whatever.

I know I complain about my life sometimes, but I am happy. I love my job, school is almost over, I have great friends, and I live in a really beautiful place. I miss my family, but that is really the only thing that is amiss. (Besides the elephant in the room--no dates. Pretty much done being not mad about that. I'm mad about it. HA.)

I spent part of the weekend at Brooke's wedding and the aftermath...we are practically family so it was a blast. I was driving home today after I picked up my roommate Kara from the airport (she went home to Texas so she and her boyf could meet each other's families) and I was just so happy. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE makes me so happy. I felt like there was a big bubble filling up my heart. I was happy for Brooke and Jonny and their families, happy that Kara had a good time in Texas, and happy that Heavenly Father has blessed me with friends. My life has been filled with people who have truly become my family and I am so thankful for all of them!

"At no time will we be more Christlike than when we are a friend."-Marlin K. Jensen

and...back to reality tomorrow. Woof. My race in on Saturday and finals are next week...then what am I going to do????????