new york state of mind

unfortunately i am having a really hard time focusing on school. unfortunate because right now is what some people like to call "crunch time" or "running through the finish line" but i just like to call it "procrastination station" or "my personal hell."

i really do love school, but not the part where i have a billion assignments in each of my classes all at the same time. the real problem here is the fact that frankly, i have other things on my mind.

i'm graduating in like 20 days, going through the temple the day after that, and then getting married and moving to new york. (and by moving to new york i mean leaving every person i have ever loved except the one i love the most to go to a wackadoo place where i imagine spending my days being yelled at by strangers. "get outta my way!!!!" they will say.) how does anyone expect me to think about school??? and yet, here we are. i had a bad day and life ain't about to cut me any slack.

i know i made fun of a girl the other day for babbling on and on about how her class getting cancelled was a "tender mercy" but my wedding shoes coming in the mail today was actually a tender mercy and i don't care who makes fun of me for saying it.

now time to write my paper(s) and start throwing away all my useless belongings.

p.s. tried the no-caps thing and i actually hate it and it makes me cringe so, not going to do that again. ok.

LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD

As you all know, I am approaching college graduation. I am ecstatic! My experience has been better than I could have imagined and I have grown so much, intellectually and otherwise.

HOWEVER. I've started looking for a job and I'm finding it fairly difficult. My degree is in American Studies and my minor is Spanish, and I don't really want to know what I would like to do as a career. Obviously with a major like mine that does not lead to a specific career path, I have a lot of options open to me. When I was choosing a major my freshman year, I didn't really think I wanted to have a career at all, a job maybe...but I pretty much planned on going on a mission, coming back and finishing school and getting married to a wealthy man and having babies. And then I realized that having a career might actually be fun and cool and fulfilling, and I also became a feminist so. Now I do want to have some sort of career.* And this is where we get to the part that, frankly, is starting to get really old.

I REALIZE that my job search would be much easier if I majored in a different field like math or science. I REALIZE that by choosing a Humanities degree I put myself at a disadvantage in a world where business, science, and technological career opportunities are abounding. Don't worry, I have kicked myself plenty of times and thought, "Damn, I should have done Accounting! I could have a job in two seconds!" So I really don't need anyone else to tell me how foolish my decision was. The jokes about how Taco Bell is hiring American Studies majors are not funny anymore. I can joke about it if I want to, and if I feel discouraged and regretful about my major choice, that's my prerogative. But it's really not anyone's place to make me feel like my degree isn't worth anything.

I would be a lousy accountant. And probably super crabby because I don't like math and I'm not good at it. Sure, I could have gone into Computer Science, but I probably wouldn't have cried TEARS OF JOY in class as many times as I have, or felt like I wanted to shout what I had just learned about humanity and culture and feminism and love from the mountaintops. For some people, Computer Science does it for them. Not me, sir.

THE THING IS I AM A DAMN GOOD AMERICAN STUDIES MAJOR. I know it, I live it, I love it. You know why I hardly ever skip class? Because I LOVE CLASS. I enjoy coming to school and I enjoy writing my papers and I love working with my professors. The things I have learned about myself, the world, and America have forever changed the way I think about everything. LITERALLY EVERYTHING. My education is something really important to me that I will treasure forever. Also, I'mma take it with me to the next life where they probably don't have taxes and probably do have art and literature and people and music and language.

The other thing is that I am good at pretty much everything required to be a valuable employee. Working with a team, being nice, hard-working, dependable, good communication, writing skills, not stupid, innovative and creative, leadership, bossiness, getting shiz done, etc. So hire me. Teach me how to do that technical thing that I don't know how to do, and I'm your gal. Employee of the year!

My point is, shout out and a big hug and kiss to all the people who have always supported me in my decision to study America (which is mostly everyone), and a big middle finger to all the haterz out there on their high horse telling me to give McDonald's another shot.** DON'T NEED U.

Haven't written a post like this in a while. Feels good. I would like to close my talk with a quote from Beyoncé, Queen of America.

*Not trying to say that you can't be a feminist if you don't have/want a career.
**I have interviewed at McDonald's twice (in desperation during my teenage years) and been turned down both times.

The end of an era

Just kidding. It's only the end of the semester, but for some reason people are acting like it's the end of the world and being all weird.

"WHERE DID THE SEMESTER GO? HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING :("
"Last Fall semester before I graduate :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( TEARZ"
"OMG no...it can't be the end of the semester......:_("

This is how I feel:

-My brain is totally fried. It's actually, like, scrambled to bits. And I still have 3 tests and a presentation next week. HA.

-Christmas is making me low on funds. My biggest weaknesses as far as spending goes are gifts and baking treats and we all know Christmas is high-time for both of those things! Not to mention all the bridal showers I've been going to...eesh kapeesh. OHHH and then there's this thing called winter break where I don't work for a month. HAHAHAHA bye money.

-This semester did not feel short. It was about 4 months long. And it feels like it's been 4 months.

-My roommates have been going absolutely bonkers decorating for Christmas and I just feel like "MEH" about the whole thing. I care that Jesus was born and I like sparkly things but other than that...don't care.

-Since I am almost done with college I have been pretty retrospective and I figured out that I am like way different than I was when I first got to school. For example, feminism. I have also realized how not different I am. For example, partying when I should be studying. For another example, not patient. For another example, still love pizza so much.

-Diet coke is the lifeblood pumping through my veins. I feel fine about it.

-I can't wait to go to California next weekend and be with my one true love.......SPRINKLES.

(JUST KIDDING. I meant CJ. LOL.)

STRESSORS

I was going to make a list of everything that is stressing me out, but I think that would just stress me out even more. So I won't make a list. But maybe to give you an idea of the extent of my stress I will let you know that one of the things I am stressed out about is my children dying prematurely in freak accidents. So, there's that. I would like to internalize the following quote from Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw. I haven't seen the show but Pai always told me that I am the Mormon version of Carrie Bradshaw so I guess I will take that for what it's worth.

On the bright side, I am going to dinner with mis Amigas Cheetahs* tonight and I am so excited. Also, we are going to Zupas and I haven't stepped foot in that place since I stopped working there so...wish me luck. On the not bright side, my Mom has not texted or tweeted me back today and I am fearful.

I hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday (if that is even possible because Wednesdays are world's worst) and that you are so stoked on the Twilight premiere tomorrow night that nothing can bring you down.


*My girlfriends from my Study Abroad who I named after the Cheetah Girls song from Cheetah Girls 2 when they go to Barcelona. Obviously.

50 things about me at age 21

 Got this idea from my dear friend Jaimie.

1. "i no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. but i was beginning to believe that very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together."

2. I actually love California after spending a lifetime thinking it was world's worst.

3. I eat out all. the. time.

4. Cracked an egg in my Ramen for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it changed my life.

5. CJ and I have been reading the Book of Mormon together and it is always one of the best parts of my day.

6. God has been more gracious to me than I could have ever imagined.

7. I am losing steam in school. I don't like it.

8. I'm not as excited for Christmas as I usually am.

9. Diet Coke, I just can't quit you.

10. I tried Weight Watchers for about 2 months but it just wasn't very fun. SEE YA.

11. I am convinced that Heavenly Father has sent this beautiful weather just for me because He knows my life is hard right now and He knows the sun makes me happy.

12. Politics=suck. I would like to thank the USA for making me world's most optimistic cynic.

13. My best friend is leaving on her mission and I don't know what I will do.

14. I don't care much about what most people think of me.

15. The people whose opinions of me mean the most are my parents, CJ, and McKay.

16. I am sick of people asking me if I am going on a mission. Have you met my boyfriend? Hello.

17. I don't have a smart phone. Well, I did for one day and then I took it back.

18. I LOVE Twitter.

19. I cry a lot. Out of sadness, happiness, gratitude, and sometimes for no reason.

20. My favorite part of music is when a song has clapping in it.

21. I have mostly stopped biting/peeling my nails.

22. I don't love my tiny fat hands but I like them more when my nails are long and painted.

23. I hate taking showers. 

24. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

25. I am obsessed with X Factor. It's stupid.

26. One of my favorite things to do is replace song lyrics while singing along to the radio.

27. My body wakes itself up every morning before my alarm.

28. I have a Costco card thanks to my Mom.

29. I would do anything to live closer to my family.

30. I wish I had unlimited funds for Christmas gifts. Buying things for the people I love is my favorite.

31. Pinterest is boring.

32. I love shrimp and it doesn't make me sick anymore.

33. I think I was Brazilian in a past life.

34. I love writing in my journal.

35. CJ's iPhone is the best.

36. Some of my favorite music ever has come out in the past year.

37. I don't know what to do about my hair. It's a situation.

38. I want a baby but I mostly just want someone to hang out with 24/7 because I hate being alone.

39. King Henry apartment 62 will always hold a special place in my heart. It made a woman out of me.

40. Terrified of all things involving sex and childbirth and bodies.

41. My boyfriend is one of the best people I have ever known and one of my favorites.

42. If I had my way I would have a huge garden and I would cook and dance around my kitchen all day.

43. Pretty sure I haven't been grocery shopping in at least two weeks.

44. I still hate Halloween.

45. I will be really sad when I have to move away from my best friends. Maybe the only thing I will miss about Provo.

46. I love doing yoga.

47. My family is the number one force for good in my life.

48. I am sick of working at Independent Study.

49. Going to Spain was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I made wonderful true friends and found the love of my life.

50. I think that I don't really like concerts.

Iphoneless

I have come to the conclusion that if I had an iphone I would...
take more pictures
blog more
read the news more
talk to my dad more
tweet more (is this possible?)
cook more
work out more
not forget stuff at the grocery store
wake up the first time my alarm goes off
read the Book of Mormon more
So...basically I would be a way better person if I had an iphone. But I don't. So I will just keep on not blogging and not taking pictures of my life, I guess. LOL.

But really, I am finally getting settled into school and my new schedule and stuff and it feels really good. The first couple of weeks of school have been an emotional roller coaster for me because of a combination of fear of the future, a bad attitude, and NOT taking things one day at a time. I am still learning how to do that, but I know for a fact that it will make my life easier if I do. Life by the inch is a cinch, life by the yard is hard!

This past weekend (is it seriously Friday already???) was really fun. On Friday night, CJ and I went and saw the musical In the Heights in Salt Lake and it was so much fun! I saw the show in New York when we went for choir during my senior year and when I heard they would be doing it in Salt Lake I knew we had to go. CJ loved it, too. I am so glad that he appreciates music and theater, even if he doesn't appreciate football! It was really stressful though because we tried to grab what we thought would be a quick dinner before the show and it ended up taking forever so we were literally shoving food in our faces as we were running into the theater minutes before the show started...CLASSY.

I have a love/hate relationship with Saturdays. I have been doing weight watchers and so I wake up really early to go to WW with Chelsea and then I have the rest of the day to either be really productive (LOVE) or be super lazy and eat everything in the house out of sheer boredom. And watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Still learning how to make the most of Saturday...will let you know when I discover the secret but as of right now I actually love watching the Kardashians so...sorry I'm not sorry.

After CJ got off work we went to our friend Skyler's birthday party. Skyler has been working on a movie for the church in which he played a Jew during Jesus' time...basically he hadn't cut his hair or shaved in over 6 months. His birthday party doubled as a beard shaving/hair cutting party so that was really fun and there is actually something very soothing about taking a big chunk out of someone else's hair. (Britney, holla at me!)

Basically, my life is really good. I have the best boyfriend in the world (actually not exaggerating) (I'm at work right now and he's bringing me lunch) (seriously though what more could you ask for) and I have plenty of fun with my roommates and friends when I'm not doing boring stuff like schooling and working. And I have been baking and cooking a lot which honestly keeps me sane. And everything I make is damn good.

INSERT IPHONE PHOTOS OF PRECEDING EVENTS HERE.

P.S. I have been craving jamon serrano for days and I don't even really like it that much.
P.P.S. 2 weeks until my birthday!

Thoughts for a Tuesday

Working in customer service makes me never want to be rude to another customer service person ever again. Because there are people I talk to who make me want to CRY and there are also people who make my day when they call. So I guess given the opportunity I would rather make someone's day than ruin it.

I am not excited for school to start because I h8 homework.

I am excited for school to start because:
I get to see my friends.
CJ is coming back! And I will get to see him/talk to him most days! (revolutionary)
Taking a class with Trent Hickman is always a good idea.
Spanish!
Football!
No more working full-time. Hallelujah!
I will be on the Humanities Student Council with Abby.
SENIOR YEAR!

You may be wondering, "Caitlin, what ever shall you do when you graduate???" My answer: I don't know but I would love to move somewhere cool that's not Provo or Richland. Obviously hoping that over the course of this school year my dream job will present itself with a big pretty bow on top.

I am obsessed with Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain. I want ALL OF THEM. My favorite of the three I have is Smitten. It's really bright.

My parents are here to drop off McClickey for school! Last night McKay said "I can't handle Caitlin!" and he has only been here for 3 days...oops. GET USED TO IT, BRO.

There is a macaron cart in the Riverwoods now...see you guys in the next life.

Just spoke to Tagg Romney on the phone. In other words, I am pretty much famous!

I have been getting rid of stuff left and right as I'm getting ready for fall semester to start which is honestly UNTHINKABLE for me because I am a hoarder beyond repair. Guess I am putting away childish things or something like that. (Literally. Threw away my Justin Bieber poster.)

Time to kiss the best/worst summer of my life goodbye!

Circa Charlotte's mission call 2011
Remember how tan I got last summer? I think I am even paler right now than I am in the middle of winter. Guess that's what happens when you work in a dingy office all day every day and never see the sun. Let's actually not even talk about it or I'll just be mad. Snow white.

I have SO MUCH stuff to do and no car.

This semester honestly feels like not only world's longest semester, but world's longest period of time. EVER. Longer than anything!

But now it's over and I feel great about that. Good riddance, I say. Not that it was bad...it wasn't. In a way this semester has been one of the best, but it has also been A LOT to handle. Like more than I've ever had to handle, not just school-wise either. And I'd just like to be done with the overwhelmingness of it all. I'm ready for summ summ summertime. AND SPAIN.

The to-do list that will never be finished

I was thinking today about things I think about doing but never actually do. Things that I want/need to do and that I (probably) could do but just don't. Why?

Things I think about doing but never do:
Quitting sugar.
Quitting diet coke.
Going visiting teaching.
Chopping off my hair.
Dying my hair.
Writing that one thank you note that I forgot to write forever ago.
Visiting my old friends at Zupas.
Reading Life of Pi.
Attending certain on-campus events.
Meeting with my academic advisor.
Catching up with my old roommates.
Calling my grandma.
Wearing jeans to work.
Getting my camera fixed.
Buying a cover for my nook.
Changing my profile picture on twitter.
Talking to that cute boy in my class/ward/twitter feed.
Changing my headlight that has been out for two weeks.
Visiting my cousins.
Taking a nap.
Planning my trip to Paris/buying tickets.
Shopping online.
Buying red lipstick.
Going to the doctor.
Showing up unexpectedly at so-and-so's door.
Looking into that half marathon in September.
Packing up some of my stuff.
SKIPPING CLASS.

It seems that most of them boil down to fear.

This girl in the testing room has THE perfect ring and I cannot stop staring

So I got accepted to study abroad in Spain this fall. I started working on my application about a month ago, then I decided I probably wasn't going because I met a cool boy, and then the cool boy went away and I decided I definitely didn't want to go, and then the night before the application was due I decided to just turn it in/my parents talked me into it. So February 14th I completed my application around 11AM, got an e-mail at 4 asking me to come in for an interview the next day. I went to my interview the next morning and I got in. I am still trying to decide if I want to go...I think I have about 2 weeks to decide. We'll see, I guess!

And here's the surprise of the century: I was a crank on Valentine's Day for the first time in my life! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. LOL. So sue me. I'm pretty sure if the holiday didn't exist I still would have been cranky because I was just having a weird day.

I have never cared about school less than I do now. I still care more than the average person. Just not the average Caitlin. Also, I have become relatively disenchanted with Justin Bieber. You're shocked, I know. Just...the earrings and the clothes and the girlfriend and the Chris Brown friendship...you know.

Things I love:

New Fun. album. You can stream the entire thing here. Me and pretty much all my friends are going to their concert in March and I am really excited! Disclaimer: bad words sometimes.

Cazookie. Google it. Had my first one a couple of weekends ago and honestly I almost died of happiness. It was so good and just so perfect. Not to mention The Chocolate is the most adorable place.

Pablo Neruda and Martin Espada. They are poets. Look them up. You have probably heard Neruda but you just don't know it. Sonnet XVII.

Sweets. Honestly...you don't want to know. I have had a perpetual sweet tooth for about a month straight now. I hope you enjoy watching me blow up like a balloon.

I am going to the airport after work today to fly home for the weekend...and that is the best news I have ever heard.

Ciao, Provo.

Scurred

Up until this point in my life, or at least a point in my very new future, my life has been more or less planned out. You know, be born, smash your cake on your 1st birthday, be a crazy toddler for a bit, go to school (beginning of the end), kiss a boy at recess, go to middle school and just be really weird, go to high school and care way too much about everything, get your drivers' license, get in an accident, become a senior and stop caring about everything except prom and college apps, go to college, realize what you've done, change your major five times, leave the country for a bit, keep going to college, graduate from college...

And. Then I don't know.

I. Don't. Know.

I DON'T KNOW!

Some like the prospect of being able to do anything they want/set their mind to, adventure is out there and blah blah blah, but right now that doesn't excite me. It terrifies me.

And I just want to crawl into my bed and forget about school and decision-making and careers and marriage and children and dogs and the world. Which is essentially what I've done...except for everything listed after school.

Congratulations, forces trying to bring me down. You win!

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

So it's 1AM, I still have reading to do for tomorrow, and tears have been in my eyes but not coming out for about an hour and a half now. I am just IN THE DUMPS. And the worst part is, it's getting really late and my homework isn't done...it's like Freshman year all over again minus the carefreeness. But anyway, I was looking at my old facebook notes, a very underutilized feature of facebook, and I found this article that I love. Here you go. It's a good one. Made me feel a little less bleh.

Taken from a column in the Chicago Tribune, June 1, 1997.

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Thanks a million!

So I'm going to hop on the bandwagon and blog about something I am thankful for every day until Thanksgiving. There are a few reasons for this.

1. People keep accusing me of "skipping" Thanksgiving. Don't really know what that means, but it is probably a reference to the Christmas decorations that are all over my apartment. For heaven's sake, the last thing I want to do is skip Thanksgiving. It is probably my favorite holiday!

2. To make myself blog. This may sound silly to you but I love looking back at my blog and reading about my ride on this eternal emotional rollercoaster. And when I don't blog, I don't have much to look back on. Besides twitter, but that's not as comprehensive.

3. I whine/feel sorry for myself/get upset a lot and maybe having to think of things I am thankful for will cure the whining. Usually doesn't work (see also my grateful journal and other such ventures), but I think I'll just GIVE IT A WHIRL.

I am thankful for my FRIENDS.

Soooo cliche, I know. But this year has been so off-the-chain in the friends department, I just can't not say it.

Through a series of events, I ended up living at Liberty Square for spring and summer this year, and at first I was so bummed. I just wanted to live with Abby, Kenzie, and Hil and I was 90% convinced that my life would be 100% miserable without them. Fortunately, this was not the case. I ended up spending one of the best summers of my life with Jodi and Kara as my roommates in a ward of less than 50 people. It was so much fun and I love those girls to death! Not to mention, I now get to be a part of Kara and Skyler's wedding as a bridesmaid and life as a live-in nanny (please?). I am so so happy for them. I love them and I hope that one day I can be as awesome and in love as they are. And live in Texas. And if I can't live in their house, maybe I can be their neighbor?

Then I moved to King Henry and I live with Abby, Kenz, and V again. They are the blood that runs through my veins. I am being VERY dramatic, but you get the picture.

Obviously, Abby has been my best friend for two years and at this point our lives (hers, mostly) are starting to get really exciting and scary and crazy and we are both planning our futures and making decisions and I am supes totes grateful that she is in my life and that we sleep in the same room.

Kenzie is like my big sister. We spend many mornings together and I am currently living my love life vicariously through her, by which I mean dreaming about her wedding. She really is the best and she planned the coolest date ever last night. THE coolest. She is the rock for all of us: totally stable while the rest of us run around like crazy people not knowing what the h is going on.

When I first met Veronica I could not believe that I had just been one-upped in sassiness. She is so sassy and honest and hilarious, but nothing makes my day more than when I am just walking around the house and Veronica walks up to me and gives me a hug. She is secretly a sweetie.

Baylie is one of our new roommates and she makes me laugh really hard every single day. She grew up on a farm (and she hates when I bring that up) and she is super blunt and gorgeous and crazy and I love her. I love living with her and hanging out with her and listening to dubstep with her and making fun of her in the most loving way possible.

Katie AKA Titi is another one of my new friends/roommatesish and she is in Noteworthy with Kenz. She is my number one supporter in "Six Weeks to Sexy" which should really called "Six Weeks of Sammy's Shakes and other Sweets." Combined, we probably know every random song you have ever heard, including School House Rock, obscure 90's bubblegum pop (Cleopatra comin' atcha), songs from your elementary school music class, and commercial jingles.

Hilary was my roommate last year and I just love that girl! She is cute and smart and I love when she gets really excited or embarassed or mad and blushes a lot. I really like talking to her about life and everything because we always have great conversations.

And last but never, ever least is Amy Faust. Amy has been one of my close friends at college since I met her through Abby during freshman year. If I could quote Mary Poppins, I would call Amy "practically perfect in every way." Seriously. This girl can do it all and she always has my back. And she is super cute at all times and in all things and in all places. That's the Amy Faust motto.

Because I almost always have like one or two best friends I can't remember a time when I had a big group of girlfiends like in the movies. You know what I'm talking about? Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Now and Then, Steel Magolias...BUT NOW I DO! We watch movies and stuff ourselves and go to Sammy's and laugh and cry and dance and do each other's hair and makeup (thanks, Bay) and make dinner together and we are BEST. FRIENDS. FOREVAAAA.

Oh, and I also have boy friends (boyfriends? bo yfriends?) and they are cool.

Halloween 2011. Mckay, Kenz, Michael, Trevor, Bay, Me, Katie the Kitty.

Very beginning of this year...one of our first Sammy's nights! Hil, Bay, Natalie, and moi.

Mega-date party at Kenz's. This was just a few days ago and soooo fun and these are pretty much all of my friends. Almost.

At Paul's homecoming talk on October 23rd.

Cornbelly's when Noteworthy performed. October 22nd. Kenz, Bay, Me, V, Katie. LOVE!

I hope you like Dickens, chickens.

I honestly don't know when/why I turned into a terrible blogger.

Maybe it's because I go to school, go to work, do schoolwork, do homework, do housework, and have loads of fun when I'm not doing any of those other things.

Maybe it's because a lot of the things that have been happening to me are journal things and not really blog things.

Maybe I am no longer funny. (This isn't a real possibility.)

Maybe my blog is no longer my emotional outlet. Maybe instead of getting really sad and blogging about it, I get really sad and burst into tears and blubber about it to my roommates or my mom or really anyone who happens to be in the room.

Anyways, whatever it is, I like my blog still and I am going to keep blogging. Even if it is sporadic.

It's the best of times. It's the worst of times.

I have had a lot of fun in the past few months. I love my roommates, I have friends who aren't my roommates (shocker), my ward is a blast, King Henry is full of wonderful people, I've been on six field trips, I've been to Arches National Park, Salt Lake City, Park City, Cornbelly's, Salem, Spanish Fork, the middle of nowhere, almost Wyoming, Temple Square, and A DATE (you never thought you'd see the day), I love my calling as a Sunday School instructor, I've discovered a love for Sammy's that will never be satisfied no matter how many banana cream pie shakes I eat, and I made pumpkin muffins on Saturday. HOWEVER. I don't have time to run anymore. You may be like half the people I talk to and you may say "You have to make time!" Okay, chap. When you figure out how to MAKE time, you let me know. Because I would love a few extra hours in the day to just run my little heart out. And do not suggest waking up at 5AM, yeah? Just don't. I never see my cousins anymore, and they live like ten minutes away. Showering has become a struggle. It takes too long and I have to get up early to do it. And then my hair is wet. Oh, and laundry. I don't do it. I can't do it. Waaaaaaaahhh wah. Basically, I don't know how to prioritize and I have far too many things to do.

It is the age of wisdom. It is the age of foolishness.

I am learning A LOT in school and I could tell you a million things about the American Revolution but my brain is occupied with so many things that the simplest tasks like...acting like a normal human do not come easily.

I have everything before me. I have nothing before me.

This is how I feel almost 100% of the time. There are so many decisions I am trying to make right now. And I thought I would have a really long time to make them. But suddenly the classes I take next semester depend on what I am going to be doing next fall, as a career, after graduation, et cetera. And I typically don't plan that far in advance. Actually, I don't really plan at all. So this is a little new for me, especially with decisions of this caliber. Mission, internships, graduate school, applying for jobs, graduating in a timely manner, potential weddings (not mine), buying a dog...you know, like, what the hell am I going to do? On the other hand, I have no money, no food, and no clothes. You are probably also going through a similar crisis. Know how I know? Because this is what everyone likes to call "real life" or "the real world." And you are in it, and I am in it. And it is wonderful and terrible. And this is how you get through it:

1. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

2. Mom and Dad.

3. Roommates and best friends.

4. Beyonce.

5. Ice cream. Preferably Tillamook.

I love how 10/01/11 looks.

So to be perfectly honest (I usually am. Much to your chagrin, I'm sure.) General Conference could not have come at a better time.

I am going crazy! School is starting to get out of control, my emotions are out of control as per usual, my dating life has YET to get off the ground (don't worry it's only been 4 years since I got dating rights), and I either have no appetite or eat compulsively. I live in a world of extremes, people. And I love my job but sometimes I have to be the bearer of bad news (You failed your final exam three times...so you need to pay for the class again if you want credit.) and that part really is terrible.

OH AND IIIIII'M SORRY BUT PUMPED UP KICKS IS ABOUT A KID BRINGING A GUN TO SCHOOL. LET'S ALL ROMP AROUND AND SING THIS SONG YEAH TOP DOWN SUMMER JAMZ! No. Just, no. I'm mad.

But anyway. It seems like every day for the past week I have just been going about my normal day and then I have a mini emotional/ethical/identity crisis and I just feel so overwhelmed and terrrrrrible.

Fortunately for me (and you and the entire world), General Conference is the best. It makes me feel okay even if it's only for two hours at a time. And I want to quote President Uchtdorf's talk from this morning but it's not up yet. But I loved this quote from his talk at the General Relief Society meeting.

"...If we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.

This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life.

The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Hopefully I will wake up on Monday with the resolve to stop freaking out and start seeing the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around me ALL the time. (I have the resolve now but that's because it's the weekend and it's not real life.) And also hopefully I will actually do it. As a side note, I totally predicted the temple in Wyoming. In case you were wondering.

JR, Sean Kingston.

I tried to call my mom like six times last night (over a period of about 4 hours) and each time it went straight to her answering machine. So I texted her, and then I texted my dad...no response...so I called McKay, no answer. Then I called my dad, no answer. At this point the thought had crossed my mind that my entire family was in some sort of crisis and I was coming to the end of my wits. So I called Carter, my 13-year-old brother who I knew would be asleep (it was 10:30 in Washington) as a last resort. 50 rings later I was getting closer and closer to tears, and Carter picked up. And it turns out everything was fine, my mom's phone was just charging and everyone else was away from their phones and blah blah blah.

Anyway, I ended up talking to my mom and the topic of my blog came up. And both of my parents were pretty disappointed that I haven't blogged in so long (hi, dad), which I completely understand. I hate when people don't blog for like a month. Like, how am I supposed to stalk your life if you don't blog?!?!? Well, I am that person. That person that I hate. Sorry.

And I said, "MOOOOMMMM, I don't have ANYTHING to blog about."

But I guess I kind of do.

I quit my job at Zupas, and I work at BYU Independent Study now and it's reeeeallly fun. I'm actually at work right now..heh heh.

I moved into my new apartment at King Henry and there are SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO maNy cUtE bOiZ (hi, dad). And also I have two new roommates, Baylie and Bella, and I like them both very much. Baylie grew up on a farm and she is supes totes blunt and hilarious, and Bella is from Atlanta and is as southern as the day is long.

School may just kill me this time around. Most of my classes, actually all of them, are pretty easy but I have A LOT to read. A lot. Plus, with work and everything there's just not very much time for me to sit down and read 7 long, boring books about the American Revolution. Hate to break it to you, prof.

The good news is that University of North Carolina has the number one library science program in the United States (they actually are tied with University of Illinois). Helllooooo, graduate school and my life dream of living in North Carolina. WHAMMY KABLAMMY. Oh, PS, I'm going to be a librarian. If you didn't already infer that.

Sammy's is my one true love. SAAAAMMMMMMY'S.

I'm auditioning for Divine Comedy tonight so wish me luck!

Today I was driving home from slip-n-sliding at Rock Canyon Park and there were 4 boys in my car and a quail walked in front of my car and I SLAMMED on the brakes and put my hands in a prayer and said "OH PLEASE, HEAVENLY FATHER!" And I didn't hit the quail. And...all the boys laughed at me.

WHAMMY.

This might sound like Beyonce calling Shakira black, but...

So for roughly the past...2? ish? hours, Abby and I have been joyriding around P-town in her brother's car up to no good. Here are some things we sawr.

The fun started when we decided to shout "HEEEEYYYYYY" out the window at people we saw.

Then these two boys pulled up next to us at a stoplight, motioned for me to roll down the window, etc etc etc..we drove away.

Then I tried to call BYU info but somehow ended up on the Girls Gone Wild hotline which...is only one digit off from the number for BYU info. Huh. When we finally reached BYU info, they were closed. We just wanted to know the address of our friend!

We found Caleb's scooter and tried to steal it but instead we just left him notes in his cupholder. Trying to be stealth with the windows down....is hard.

Then we drove around forever and ever and drove by Brandon Davies' house.

Then I made some comment about how our night had already reached its climax but right at that moment we saw a couple tumbling around in the grass and Abby said, not loud enough for them to hear, "FOUR ON THE FLOOR!"

Then we thought this guy was serenading this girl because you know she was sitting in her bedroom window and looking down at this guy and he was like standing there on her lawn and so we went and flipped a Uwey...U-ey? and Abby just looks right at the guy and says "SING!" and it was basically a staredown for like a whole minute until we drove away. I don't think he had any idea what we were getting at.

Then we suspected that this running parked car in a BYU lot next to campus was people making out and we were right. Unabashed. Shameless. Drivers seat leaned back all the way type of thing. So we honked a million times in morse code saying, "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE."

The reason we were in the parking lot was to turn around because we saw a young man doing kung fu in an underground parking garage so we went back to watch him. And I said, "Hey, are you doing Kung Fu?" And he said, "Yeah. Sorry, I thought you guys were trying to park in here." "Nope, we just wanted to watch you!" "Okay!" Then he did a whole routine and I was trying really hard not to laugh and Abby and I were muttering and giggling under our breath. He is the dragon warrior.

And then we drove by the hot and heavy couple once more. Just for good measure.

And that was all. I think.

Then I came home, put my hair in a bun but left one piece out on purpose, set up my bed on the couch, and ate a fun size Take 5.

And now, I am ready to sleep.

Goodnight, beautiful world.

This got really random really quick.

This summer I want to...

run a 5k in 27 minutes or less.

go to Seven Peaks a lot but make sure to wear sunscreen.

and that's all I can think of. HA! I have other goals but these are just the fun things. What is fun in Utah? What do I need to add to this list?

Since my race is on Saturday, my training program has me not running today or tomorrow...and I miss it. A lot. I guess that means I love running! You don't know what you got 'til it's gone, baby.

I feel so nasty. It's because I ate crap yesterday and I ate crap today...ENOUGH OF THAT, THANK YOU. EW EW EW EW EW EW EW.

I love my little seester and she got a cell phone and I get to see her next week. EEEEE!

A Little Rant 4 U 2 Read

hahahahaha. i'm not actually crying. i just found this and thought it was ridiculous and super emo.

Okay so...I have had no social life as of late. I mean, I run miles upon miles, go to school, and go to work. And I had been watching the NBA playoffs and American Idol but we all know how that turned out...anyway. So every Friday and Saturday night I come home from work, I am usually home alone, and I just do whatever. Like tonight I put my hair in rollers*, cleaned, made brownies for Relief Society tomorrow, and made myself a milkshake all while blasting country music. The point I am getting to is that as I was drinking my milkshake a thought struck me: how could I ever work every day for the rest of my life?! Is this what real life is? Work and school and hair in rollers and cleaning all aloney on my owney? (Please imagine the look on my face as I came to this realization.) And then naturally I started to think about my future and whatnot.

Anyway, I won't bore you with my entire train of thought. But I was just thinking about boys and boyfriends and love, etc. JUST SO YOU KNOW, there are times when I'm not thinking about those things.

So I was like, am I mad that I don't have a boyfriend? No. Absolutely not. Too mushy and embarrassing. Too much drama, too much touching, not enough time. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the type of girl to be like OMG I NEED A BOYFRIEND STAT AND I MEAN YOU'RE MALE AND YOU'RE HERE AND I KINDA LIKE YOU SO....OKAY YEAH LIKE LET'S DATE LIKE IT'S FINE.

But I think what I don't like is that I don't give enough of a damn about any guy in my life to even care...you know? Like, I don't know a guy that I would want to be my boyfriend. Besides Jimmer. The fun thing about my life up until this point was that I always had a crush on someone. I feel like. Even if the love went unrequited (so 99% of the time), it was still fun to be giddy and ask the boy for gum during class or something and then chew it obsessively until it disintegrated. And most of the time, I didn't even actually want the love to be requited. Unrequited love is the only kind of love that doesn't freak me out beyond belief. So I guess I just gotta do me and grow up a little until some VERY lucky guy bursts into Zupas in the middle of my shift and exclaims that he can't live without me and he would like an Ultimate Grilled Cheese to-go.

Aaaaaand until then it's brownies and ice cream and rollers, I suppose.

*This woman came into Zupas today with rollers in her hair and they looked way cool and I didn't even realize they were rollers at first so I asked her about them and she told me and I went and got them after work. So we will see if they are awesome like she says.