It was an outsider.
After much investigation, interrogation (Jack Bauer style), and sleuthing, my roommates and I came to the conclusion that this was NOT an inside job. There was a period of about half an hour where nobody was home and the door was unlocked. Just enough time for a bag lady to sneak in here and make herself a turkey sandwich using my turkey and Emily Culp's bread. She may have also eaten some rice. My feelings on this matter are mixed.
Obviously, the person, whoever it may be, had morals. There were laptops and Uggs and whatever else out in the living room, which he or she did not steal. This person simply wanted to have a decent meal yesterday. Very Aladdin-esque. On the other hand, he or she touched my turkey...and if it was indeed a bag lady and her cat, like we suspect, then her hands are probably not clean...So that was little nasty. You know how deli turkey sometimes is all rippy when you are trying to make a sandwich? Well yesterday when I was making myself a turkey sandwich (when I first discovered that I had been robbed) I used the little ripped remnants of the other pieces, assuming it was just one of my roommates who had eaten some. I am a little grossed out. I took the rest of my turkey out of its original packaging and put it in a ziploc bag.
Needless to say, there was a good amount of hysteria here in 232 last night. Lots of laughing, screaming, panicking, screaming, etc. This whole thing has been one of the most fun experiences I've had with my roommates so far this year. It sounds weird, I know. But it just turned out to be so unexpected and baffling that it was just hilarious.
It's clean now, don't worry.