July 10, 2012

Word Vomit and Emotions. Beware.

I haven't been having the best time.

Ever since I got back from Spain it seems like one thing after another has just been getting me down. Every day is an emotional roller coaster, and we're talking..Raging Bull, not California Screamin'. As soon as I got back I started working full time, I quit diet coke (always a nightmare), started eating healthier (love/hate), and signed up for two online classes. I know that I can handle all of that, but in the moment that it was all happening at once I was miserable.

Some days were good but I felt really alone. In Spain, all my friends were around me all the time. There was never nothing to do. I had NO responsibility except a little bit of homework every now and then. I took a nap or went for a walk to the store almost every day, took the train to Madrid, had free access to all of Madrid's best museums, the best chocolate and gelato in the world were at my fingertips, I flew to Portugal with my boyfriend and friends for a weekend and went to the beach, I made best friends with my host mom, and drove all over Spain with 35 hilarious and amazing people on a huge red bus..life was SO easy. I knew my life would never be exactly like that again, but I didn't know coming back would be so hard!

So I had nothing to do, no job, and no car for a week right when I got back. Then I went back to work for a week, and then my family came to visit me for a week. I had so much fun with them but as soon as they left on Saturday night I was immediately lonely again. And really, really sad for the whole next day. But then I felt somewhat better again...I just kept going up and down a lot.

I'm not trying to complain or feel sorry for myself and I actually hate writing about this because I am mostly a happy and hilarious human. But I think this part of my life, even though I don't love it, is really important. I was talking to my friend Britton on the phone last night, and I hadn't talked to him in forever. The conversation I had with him had a much bigger impact on me than any of the conversations I have had in the past couple of weeks when talking to people about my problems. I have known for at least two weeks what I need to do to be happy, but I couldn't bring myself to take the time to humble myself and actually do it.

"When you feel sad and alone, instead of getting on facebook and looking at pictures from Spain, or texting your mom or texting Abby, or going to get a diet coke, or baking cookies or something, get on your knees and say a prayer. You are turning everywhere except to Heavenly Father, and none of those other things are going to bring you happiness and peace."

Well, don't know how he knew all the stuff I do when I am sad, but he was right. I know that these couple of months before school starts are really important and that I am having struggles because I need to draw closer to Heavenly Father so that I can grow and become what He wants me to be.

I have a lot to be thankful for and so much to look forward to...but I'm trying really hard not to wish my days away. (I want to FFW soooooooo baaaaaadddddddd)


  1. Oh man. I'm on a similar emotional roller-coaster these days. It is HARD. Really hard. I should be praying more. I gave a talk on Sunday about the blessings of adversity and I guess we're just being refined a little bit right now ha. Life is cray.

  2. Coming home from study abroad is the HARDEST thing ever. Your life is absolutely perfect when you are out there and then you come back to reality and it's a huge slap in the face. I love that advice though about praying instead of looking everywhere else for advice...I needed to hear that. And yes..we need to catch up! Love and miss you.